MamaChef's Random Writings

Location: Tennessee

I'm 29, and I still will be on my birthday this year!!! I swear it! My darling husband and I have been married for 7 years this year. We have two great kiddos: a 5 year old son, and a nearly 2 year old daughter. The are the most beautiful kids in the world if you ask us! I work at home, 2 jobs, one is developing curriculum and other publications for a disability ministry. By night I am a Pampered Chef consultant. I love both of my jobs, and I love that they are flexible enough for me to stay at home with my kids.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Ivan the Terrible and The Crud coming out of my head...

It's hurricane season in Tennessee! No really, I'm serious! Frances hit us with some rain, not a big deal, just turned our yard into a massive jungle. When hubs when to mow the lawn last week he choaked the mower every 5 seconds. So, Ivan is supposed to hit this area late tonight with an apparent vengance. Yesterday it was all sunny and nice and we were already getting flood watches and wind advisories. I'm not real sure how I'm supposed to feel about this!!! I mean, we DO live in Tennessee, we're not even coastal! Am I supposed to board up my windows? Maybe I need to mount a sail on top of my house and attach floaties to the sides. The rain isn't supposed to blow out of here until Sunday! I feel like I should be collecting 2 of every kind of animal...oh wait! I was really supposed to????? CRAP!!!!

Apparently the non-contagious allergy my best friend, whom I toted all over K-town last week, was actually contagious! My husband started in with it Sunday night, my 3 month old daughter got it on Monday, and now I have it! People are so brilliant! I love the justification..."No really! It's just a tickle in my throat because the ragweed just has to be blooming right now. Please oh please can you help me out??? I promise you aren't going to get sick, because I'm not!" And now 3/4 of my family is....oh what is it?.....OH YEAH!!!! SICK!!!!! I love my girl friend to pieces, but I feel like doodie now, and I'm not happy!

I think that I will now retire to a nice hot shower to steam my puffy head out, then drink a gallon of OJ.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Potty Training Hell!

So, my oldest child is now way past his 3rd birthday, and still refuses to use the potty like all the other kids. On the one hand, his stubborness to "be like the rest of the kids" could be good in that I won't have to give him the "if so-and-so jumped off a bridge would you follow him/her?" speech. But, on the other hand, we now have a 2nd child for whom we are buying mass quantities of Luvs for, on top of pull-ups for said stubborn 3 year old, and the expense could very possibly sink us real soon!

Rewind to Saturday: My son wakes up, his pull-up is dry. Mommy thinks now would be a fabulous time to go sit on the potty and see if we'll make contact today. Get young son settled with is potty book about "Joshua" (1. I always think of the Friends episodes where Rachel Green is trying to woo Joshua, b. This potty book needs a whole blog entry for's pretty friggin hilarious!). So, we sit and sit and sit, mommy ends up having to take care of business...I finish, young son STILL has not peed the first drop, but insists that he is finished! He wants to put his pull up back on really bad, but in my head I knew that as soon as I put it back on, he'd finally go. So, I refused his request. Melt down occurs!!!!!! He pitches a HUGE tantrum over the fact that I would not put the pull up back on until he used the big boy potty. In this whole process we wake Daddy from the dead, so he decides to get in on the potty training action this fine morning. Young son is still WAILING while daddy takes him back to the bathroom for another round of sitting and waiting. Daddy gets him some cereal to feast upon while sitting in the bathroom, so young son wants some also. I get him cereal and milk, hoping that more fluids would encourage his already backed up bladder. They sit in there for another good 45 minutes. So, since the bathroom also houses the washer and dryer, Daddy decides to do some laundry. Young son decides this is a good time to escape, and comes in to try to get me to put his pull up on again. I told him I would as soon as he peed in the potty. Melt down again!!! He goes back to the bathroom, and since I'm in another room the actual events that followed were not totally witnessed other than through sound: I hear this "Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Help me!!!" and then from Daddy I hear "What the hell???" From what I can gather, in his fit of frustration with me, young son goes back to the bathroom to plead with daddy to put the pull up on, is standing on his potty chair, and can no longer hold his pee, and pees all over the bathroom! GREAAAAAAAAAT!!! And what does every good Mommy do? Makes young son clean up his own pee...which sorta backfired because young son likes to help! LAWD LAWD!!!!

So I'm still waiting for young son to decide to have a "Potty Revelation"....I could be waiting until he starts kindergarden on this one! In the mean time, I'll be declaring bankrruptcy via diaper purchases!

The Chef and the Air Purifier Guy...

Yes, it's that time of year again. The air is starting to get crisp, the leaves will soon be that means it's time for the TN Valley Fair again! Good food, good fun...can't be beat!

So, every year for the past three years, my Pampered Chef (that's pampered, far from perfect!) cluster rents a booth to network. This year we were on a corner and surrounded by several more vendors than in years past. Now, usually this is fairly OK...and this years location got us a bit away from the Bugman...who's just a lil bit weird for my taste, but it takes all kinds, right? He didn't have the dog with him this year, but for the past 2 years he had one of those "umbrella" strollers in which he pushed this scruffy little dog all over the fair. Poor dog always looked liked she'd seen better days.

Anyway, I had 2 5-6 hour shifts this year, and got to know all my neighbors pretty well. OK, so straight across the aisle from is the wheelchair lift people...they had cool cars rigged for wheelchairs...a PT Cruiser and a Honda Element...had fun looking at those. One of the guys from that booth kept wheeling over and looking at my cookbooks and eating my Kisses (that'd be HERSHEY, just an FYI!). He was cool! Directly to my left was the Mexican clothing vendors who spoke mostly Spanish...had some really cute dresses, and they also always sell the HUGE necklaces that the ghetto boys know the kind, the BLING! Across the other aisle to my right were Stan and Jody with the storm shelters. They install storm shelters for people that live in trailer parks mostly, and actually had a storm shelter there for viewing. They even put a set of stripped stockings with ruby slippers sticking out from under the shelter! It was hilarious!!!!

Now, for the booth behind me. The Air Purifier Guy. Nice enough, told me ALL about air purifiers, and how they could cure my family of all our allergies. He was probably 65ish, dressed professionally except for the excessive number of pins decoring his shirt, including the blinky American flag pin...does draw some attention, I'll grant him that! Anyway, he'd come talk to me, and then disappear, and then about a half hour later he'd come around the curtain and start chatting again. I was OK with this for the most part. The disturbing moment was when he did one of his appearing acts while I was partaking a sip of my Harvest Peach Iced Tea (YUUUUM!!!!!!). As I was taking the straw out of my mouth, it did one of those drippy things and dripped right down my cleavage. I hate that!!!! If he had only made a "whoops, here's a napkin for you" or some such comment, that would have been all fine and dandy! But NOOOOOOO, he says, *chuckle* "Whoops, why don't you let me wipe that up for you?" with the tone of a sleazy used car salesman!!!! WHAT THE HELL?????? I made a nervous giggle, and so as to be professional and not make a scene, turned around and walked to the other side of my booth. I was rather mortified at that comment, while he probably thought himself quite clever, I wanted to slap the sleazy grin off his face. He did not make any other appearances at my booth that night....thank you Jesus!!!!

Moral of this story is: If you are ever in Knoxville, and a 65ish guy with a blinky American Flag pin tries to tell you that he can purify your air, he probably means he'd like to purify your boobs too!!!